Self-Esteem 101: Fostering Self-Love in Teens

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It's not easy raising a teenage girl, but it's even harder to be one. With images in the media often depicting white as the world's standard of beauty, it's no wonder why young black girls in America can struggle with accepting themselves and maintaining self-esteem.

Self-esteem is not a concept that develops on its own. Although the media holds a significant responsibility for causing many of our young black girls to be dissatisfied with their bodies, hair, and skin color; as adults, it is our responsibility to counteract those messages. It's imperative that we teach our girls at a young age that there is no one standard of beauty and being beautiful comes from accepting who you are -- flaws and all. Parenting teenage girls can be difficult, but the following tips for building self-esteem in young ladies might help you navigate the stormy waters.


Emphasize the importance of inner beauty: It's important for your child to be aware that the model she's dying to look like doesn't necessarily look like that in real life -- airbrushing does wonders. She should know that although a size 0 seems ideal in theory, it may not be healthy for her to aspire to be one. But most of all she should know that she is beautiful just the way God made her and that being intelligent and having a good heart is what will get her farther in life than her looks. Let her know that being beautiful relies heavily on feeling beautiful and loving herself. By instilling values in your child about the importance of inner beauty, you will empower her to see through the false messaging of the media and allow her to embrace her one-of-a-kind self.

Do NOT compare her to others: It's easy to blame the media for the issues young girls have these days about their self-image, but for many young girls, it's the direct criticism they receive from family and friends that often play an immense role in shaping their self-esteem. Young girls are already comparing themselves to their peers at this age, and the last thing they need is for their loved ones to do the same. Instead of highlighting other childrens' attributes, place an importance on what your child is good at. Keep her from comparing herself to others by letting her know she is an individual who possesses unique qualities that others may not have.

Encourage her to do activities she excels in: You may want your daughter to take up ballet or jazz like you did as a child, but what if that's not what she's truly passionate about? Instead of forcing activities on her, allow her to have control of her happiness by choosing activities she enjoys. What if she's an amazing artist, an aspiring fashion designer or has a love for music? Nurture her interests so she can take pleasure in doing something she is not only good at but enjoys. She will develop a pride and self worth in her talents and you'll watch her confidence bloom right before your eyes.

Enroll her into sports: Aside from the obvious physical benefits young girls get from playing sports, the Women's Sports Foundation confirms that girls who participate in athletics have higher self-esteem than girls who do not. These teens are also less likely to take part in drugs, become sexually active, get pregnant and suffer from depression -- the list goes on. The bottom line is that sports do wonders for her self-image and self-worth. Not only will your daughter feel better about her body image, but she'll also have the confidence to succeed in other parts of her life like academics and standing up to peer pressure.

Praise her: You may think that children somehow become immune to their parents accolades, but guess what? You're wrong. You'd be surprised how much children enjoy and need to be praised by their parents on a regular basis. Children who hear positive things about themselves consistently and have their attributes and accomplishments recognized are more likely to believe in those acknowledgments and in turn believe in themselves.

Embrace her differences: Maybe your child has an interesting flair for fashion or tries daring and sometimes unusual hair styles. Whatever the case, embrace it! The early adolescent years of a female's life are a very temperamental period during which she's trying to navigate her way to figuring out who she is. As her parent, you should be encouraging this positive experimental phase. If she gets the sense that you are accepting of her unique qualities, it will encourage her to be more comfortable in her own skin and help boost her self-confidence.

Talk to her: It may have been awhile since you were her age, but the trials and tribulations of a teenage girl are often universal. Dating, sex, drugs, popularity, acceptance; at some point in time every female is faced with these issues. So talk to her about the experiences and pressures you faced as a teen. Although she may be screaming, "You don't understand me!" assure her that you do by talking and listening to her. Find out how she's doing in school academically and socially. Get to know your child. The more you know about her, the easier it'll be to help her through the challenges of young adulthood and building her self-esteem. You don't need to act like one of the girls, but you do need to act like an attentive parent.

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